"The Angel inside me"

I can't help but to think this world is not my world.
A man who wants to think of others before oneself... madman.
To help even knowing you might be being tricked.
To give away the best of you.
It's hard.

Not hard in the fact itself of giving away that which is necessary to you,
but in the way that those who love you and see you fight for what is yours
can't understand and suffer for your lack of value sense.
That material value sense.

I understand their view and interest, but I can't help but to listen to my heart.
In a place where a man stands to protect the weak ones, to listen to the
misunderstood ones. He's like a laugh.
Why?

What is wrong in telling your friends that you love them?
Why to think of hatred when friendship and love are so amazing?
Why can't people be more considerate?
It's so easy!

I will keep dreaming. I'll go farther than anyone in this world!
because of only one reason...
I DO NOT FEAR TO DREAM!!!
I DO NOT FEAR TO LISTEN TO MY HEART!!
I DO NOT FEAR TO LISTEN TO GOD!!
I WANT EVERYONE TO LISTEN TO THEIR SOULS!!

Listen to your heart. There's good in it!
There's some desire, as faint as it might be, to change the world.
There's so much beauty in it! it's gotta be worth it.

Wake up early, look at that sun rising above the mountains.
That ever shining source of light striking golden rays through that blueish infinite
like a miracle spreading through the world.
The sea blowing it's refreshing breeze filling our lungs with glory.
The sound of the waves and the birds singing.
The green mountains in the highlands filling our hearts with peace.
The holy smell of flowers and the beauty of their colors.
The life, magnificent energy and might of the jungle; calling us with their different forms.
There are so many dreams and beauty just by looking up to the starry night,
and feel how tiny we are and how wonderful this universe is.
Like the moonlight hitting the surface of the lakes.
Making them magic carpets of dreams and fantasies.

I ask myself...
This is only where we live, beauties made by God's hands.
Haven't we realized that WE are his greatest master piece?
Look at your children being born.
That's what I'll be fighting for, as we are all children of God.

"The Demon inside me"

Emerging from the darkest side of my heart,

an entity born out of hatred and suffering.

Like calling my name from deep within the dark,

a voice that freezes the everything.

Is this inability to be adecuate, unfit for this world.

Is this confusion and unreason resonating in my brains.

Where my beastly form cannot be touched by human heart.

Where God curses me with a path full of obstacles to sharpen my fangs.

Lust breathing in... into my pelvis, into my head, into my soul.

Contaminating the roots of my spirit, like a madness poison uncontrollable for humans.

Hunger, the hunger for food, for flesh, for taste, for pride, for power. Hunger consuming us,

consuming me...

Eyes of a wild creature preying on it's prey.

That's what you look inside of me through my eyes.

Your world showed me what you think is important.

In the beauty I found desire, alteration, fornication.

In the examples I found lies, hipocrecy, facades.

There are no role models, only lies, only whispers, only evil.

You made me, you consumed me, you turned me into your own custom nightmare.

The seed of greed you planted on me was part of your idea to control me best.

Sadly though, guns do fireback at you every once in a while.

That fire running through my veins, exploding like a volcano

spitting hot pressured lava through my limbs.

The claws and the saber teeth coming out with a scream.

The fury of living in a world that is not fair, the one ruled by demons,

invites you to become one.

Storms of red and gold sparkling through your eyes, the beast being unleashed.

Incarnating in itself the fury and anger, the hatred above all.

The being that knows no limit, for it is blinded by it's nature,

therefore, impossible to stop.

Speed of demons rushing after souls, strength of torments crushing through light.

Demon against demon!

I shall fight fire with fire,

Where there's surprise I am the unexpected.

Where there's fear, I am the source.

Where there's desperation, I am the curse.

Where there's power, I am the strongest one.

So vast and unmesurable the power of madness, that it truly frightens oneself.

The hatred to hate, the fear to hurt.

The hatred of hatred to hurt.

Wouldn't it be wonderful not to feel?

That's the hope of the monster.

To not feel anything at all.

Just do.

To be one away from everything else,

that one who exists outside this universe.

No rules, no duties, just existence...

Isn't this sad?

Is it possible for him to miss rejection?

to miss misery? looking up into the darkness,

what is it that he looks for?

That one who needs nothing or no one?

what is it...?

"The Wild Calmness"

My life is a limbo. A mixture of feelings, ideas, and probably passions.
My life is lived at 2 extremes: The material world, and the spiritual world.
This is probably, and maybe by far, the most unexpected piece of writing I have ever written,
and yet, probably the one that shows up the greatest aspects of my self being.

Even though my life, like most of ours, is conducted by the stimulus of our surroundings by our senses. Mine differs from others by ideas, or probably, interpretations.
We all have feelings, we are beings who cannot fully understand the greatness behind our creation.
Because behind our physical mechanisms called bodies, we also have complexity in our thoughts.
Or perhaps, our spirits.

From the day I was born I thought from the beginning I was just like any other human being.
Yet at the same time something told me since my youngest years that I was meant to do something out of this world's comprehension. As if something forced into a place where it doesn't belong, I grew living the life of a human, even when in reality I was living inside me a different life. A life that keeps writing itself, trying to piece it all together.

Maybe the simple fact that I'm writing this entry is a way to try to knot together this two dimensions I'm always living in. Like today, if I were an entity close to God trying to see the development of my creation, I could say my day was just amazing!

Today I felt anger, as a reaction from a disturbance. I was attracted by the opposite sex, as a response of both, my physical need and my emotional need. And I guess as well as my spiritual need to fill certain emptiness. That's it! I'm being able to see myself as God sees me.
How amazing my the view of God may be. In front of me I see in a physical way, an average body size, doesn't really look good, too much junk food I'd say. Although it is strange, as it has some kind of physical development above average. It is failing though, the brain is having problems with the blood pressure, you could say this car is messed up.
Some other kinda minor details, the body is basically ok, something almost functional, at least it works.

I wonder if that's one of the ways God looks at us?
Even though it might sound a little too cold, or materialistic; why not? aren't we his creations? wouldn't be interesting for me to see how something that I created evolves and develops?
To make it more interesting it also has some kinda software.
Something that affects it's physicality.
A small self taught program called spirit, and apparently runs on a hardware called brain, just so it can join both functions.

Today was quite interesting, I had many feelings running results from just one action.
My creature, in this case myself, has shot many thoughts and conclusions about life in a fight.
Even though his hardware is kinda messed up due to this worlds life (we can call it sun burnt, bleeding gums with the blood like taste all over his mouth, and that damn aching neck and back).
Even with all that, he's kinda ok. I guess I'm ok.
Today I fought with someone I wanted to fight for a long time, who knows why?
Cause maybe fighting for me is like playing soccer for my dad, I'm good at it, and I like to show it off.
As stupid as it might sound I know deep inside me that's one of the main reasons.
Why?
I guess it is because all my life I thought I was meant for that.
I never had anyone cheering me up or backing me up for this. But I think I was good, I am good.
Until days like today come.
So many ideas coming up and around my head. ( which byt the way, still hurts, actually it's more like a headache mixed with dizziness)
I remember at some point I was trembling, I can't deny it, I was. But this time like before,
I WAS HAPPY! I was excited!!! I have no idea, and no reason to explain this.
I knew I got my shots in, I played my style, I marked my rythm. But I never expected so much violence and power! An It hurt a little bit, but guess what?!! I liked it!! I don't know why, I just enjoyed those moments. My trembling was not from fear, but from vengeance. Not a bad vengeance, just my desire to hit back and show my power, to show that I can too display power!
Why though? Why someone who hates violence and pain and suffering, gets this excitement from?!

I wanna fight him again, Not like that, hurting each other badly. But hurting each other just enough to earn, to learn from each other, to bond, to share something that we both know!
Something that we both love. One having been put in that road his whole life, the other one trying to get to that road his whole life. So different yet, so similar. I wanna cross fists again!! and forever!!
Sometimes one can't understand from outside how can something that hurts one another can bring to persons together. To be frankly, from the outside coldly thought it DOES look ridiculous.
But one's gotta be in there, fighting, competing, flashing power and sharing power. Then and only then, you'll understand bonding. You'll understand friendship.

Deep in my heart the demons are tormenting me again. Ready for me to bring down my fists so they can chew on me. Specially cause of today, were I and my friend, a friend that I want to get, hurt each other so much, that's food for them. But I'll fight him again, for sure, but instead of hurting each other, we'll just make each other way far stronger. Much faster, much wiser, much better humans.

"I only ask from you God, to bring us much closer, to make us stronger not than the other one, but as one. And let us serve you, as you want from us. Thanks Amen"

The Priceless & The Intangible

Having a life in a world as troublesome as ours... turns insanity into a life style.

That is then, that at point in life you turn to appreciate the beauty of simplicity.

By sitting on a rock, high above the sand, in an open beach.

With the breeze of the sea hitting your face, or better said, enchanting your senses.

That calm vastness numbs your body and sharpens your sensibility.

Like a small drum, you can hear the beating of your heart.

As if by listening to the wind you can see the air coming in and out of your lungs.

The sun, high above you, shines down on you with a rain of light that warms your body,

while the holy humidity that surrounds you, keeps you cool at the same time.

In such a beautiful place, where life mixes with the universe,

you can find answers without asking questions.

You are able to touch things that your hands can't touch.

And even more amazing, the fact that you can see more things with your eyes shut

than when having them wide open.

To breath, is to live...

to live is to exist,

to exist is to be one and unique,

and to be more you have to become one with everything.

GOD.

¿Cómo decir GRACIAS?

Cómo recuperar aquella mirada dulce e inocente que me miraba cuando niño?

Cómo volver a escuchar es voz melodiosa que me hacía reír?

Cómo decirle que extraño mis 12 años en los que pasábamos horas conversando

en aquellas mesas de tantos cursos en los que la casualidad nos juntaba uno con

el otro?

Cómo decirle simple y llanamente...que la extraño?

Que quiero que me devuelva a mi amiga que tanto quería.

Aquella niña por la cual me desvelaba en esas noches de pubertad.

Ya que aunque no conseguía concebir el sueño, soñaba con ella tanto de noche

como de día.

Qué tengo que hacer para recuperar a mi niña?

A aquel pequeño ángel que con su amor y su gentileza logro dominar en mí lo que

nadie pudo dominar antes?

Como una ninfa apaciguando a un león, tomo mi alma y mi corazón y se los ofreció

a Dios mismo sin ella siquiera saberlo.

Cambio mi mundo, cambio mi historia.

De un niño rebelde sacó un noble, que aunque gentil de corazón era más fuerte en

el espíritu.

Qué no deberle a esta mujer que ante mis ojos sigue siendo niña?

Si fue su tacto el que agudizo mis sentidos, si fue su historia la que curvo la mía.

Fue en ella que busque un milagro, y en mi búsqueda fue como encontré a Dios.

Qué voy a pedirle al cielo si no es tu felicidad?

Qué pedirle a la vida sino que te de gracias?

Qué pedirle a Dios si no es que te colme de bendiciones así como tu colmaste mi

vida de alegrías.

Es eso todo lo que quiero para ti, de mí.

Solo por un momento, me gustaría que me dejes acercarme a mi niñita bella;

a mi amiguita que tanto quería.

Si algo te quisiera pedir a cambio es que me des un segundo, para decirle a ese Angelito

que llevas dentro...GRACIAS!!

Gracias por salvar mi alma y encaminar mi destino, gracias de todo corazón.

Gracias.

It's worth the fight...

In a world where people care for themselves
An act of charity, of true charity, is a miracle.
In a land where the rich get richer and the poor die worse than animals
a noble hand reaching the needed is like a 4 leaf clover.
In a place where a friend that cares for you rather than what you are
is like a snow storm in a summer day.

But what would happen if we turn those analogies into lies?

Rise in the morning, hoping,
with a smile in your face cause the rain is a beautful gift of life.
Ready to care for another other than yourself.
Laugh and cry with rich and poor equally, as if our bodies are just some stupid costumes that say nothing, cause from inside we are the same.
Reach out your hand, not only to grasp mine, but to help others as we are all walking the same path of life.
FIGHT!!! Not to hurt, but to heal. Not to kill, but to give and save lives. Not for hatred, but for love. Never stop fighting, never stop dreaming, and never stop hoping that a new day will come.
And that day we all will be able to look back and say: "It truly was worth the FIGHT!"

You can see that day right now, if you close your eyes and listen to that chilidish voice of yours. If you recall that goodness so deep within your soul that filled your heart with joy when you were a child. Listen to your heart...the day is coming.

La Verdad

Cual es la forma de cambiar el mundo?
Existe alguna forma de cambiarlo?
Todos de alguna forma deseariamos vivir en un mundo diferente y a la vez no.
Los humanos somos seres que buscan lo que no tienen, sea de una forma u otra.
Preguntale al pequeño principe si es que no le gustaria poder jugar todo el dia haciendo lo que se le plazca como aquel niño que pide limosnas.
Y no es acaso el niño que pide limosnas envidioso de todo lo que tiene el pequeño principe? Comenzando por comida y una cama tibia a donde ir a dormir.

Los seres humanos somos por naturaleza buscadores de experiencias, queremos lo que no tenemos y cuando lo tenemos la costumbre nos llena de una satisfaccion que es tan vasta que olvidamos que tan afortunados somos por tener algo que antes ansiabamos con muchas ganas.
El hombre envidia de la mujer su capacidad de crear y dar vida, mientras que la mujer envidia del hombre su fuerza y autoritarismo natural. No importa en que situacion te encuentres, siempre querras algo diferente. Puedes tener el mejor trabajo del mundo segun tu, aquel que siempre quisiste tener toda tu vida. Pero en algun momento de tu vida querras escapar de esa monotoriedad y hacer algo diferente. Pero la pregunta siempre va de esta forma:

Por que somos asi?
Esta en la naturaleza humana ser de esa forma?
Nunca estaremos contentos en nuetra vida?
Si eso es cierto, llegara en algun momento la felicidad?

Hay gente que dice que la felicidad nunca es completa, y ademas que una felicidad completa y eterna perderia su valor al igual que el resto de las cosas. Y no le dariamos la importancia que se merece simple y llanamente porque la tenemos y la damos por garantizada. Y para esa incognita esta es mi respuesta:

SI EXISTE LA FELICIDAD ABSOLUTA!!! El Problema es que hemos confundido muchas cosas debido al mundo en el que vivimos. Nuestro mundo es un mundo totalmente consumista, un mundo material en donde los valores materiales y los placeres han alcanzado tal punto en nuestra psiquis que han perforado nuestras almas y las han amoldado a tal pensamiento. Muchas veces hemos escuchado la frase "es mejor dar que recibir", que tan cierto es esto?
Cuando damos un regalo para alguien que necesita o desea algo con muchas ganas y nosotros nos desprendemos de nuestras cosas de valor para darles lo que piden, no es hermoso el gesto de dar? de aliviar esa necesidad de esa persona? de ese sueño o deseo? Eso se llama sacrificio.
Desde niño tus padres te hablan acerca del sacrificio, de las cosas que hacen ellos por ti, cuando eres niño no lo entiendes pero cuando eres adulto se hace perfectamente claro. Pero por que existen necesidades?

Dios nos puso en la tierra con todo lo que necesitasemos para vivir. No deberian de haber necesidades! Regresando al tema, esos momentos especiales que llamamos felicidad...como es que se vuelven especiales? Para definir estos momentos hay 2 elementos esenciales:
1. El Goce espiritual
2. El Goce material

Pongamos un ejemplo comun para todos: La Navidad.
Como es que la Navidad se ha vuelto un evento que, lejos de ser lo que realmente es, sigue siendo de alguna forma felicidad para la familia. En el goce espiritual cada vez es menos el goce por el nacimiento de Cristo quien nacio para la salvacion de nuestras almas, pero aun tiene algo de bueno. En la Navidad pasa lo que ya mencionamos antes, los sacrificios, es decir, los regalos! Todos nos desprendemos de nuestro dinero que es nuestra propiedad material ganada en base a cierto esfuerzo que puede ser llamado en este caso, trabajo. Esta costumbre que se da de intercambiar regalos entre los miembros de una familia o amistades son muestras de amor por sacrificio. Es por eso que podemos decir que lo que nos da felicidad espiritual (o goce) en las navidades es el hecho de hacer feliz a las personas que queremos regalandoles cosas que quieren o necesitan. De esta forma aliviando su tormento. Se comparte buena comida que es especialmente comprada para esta fecha y se cocinan los platos mas placenteros al paladar de esta forma saseando y estimulando placeres en el cuerpo. Como vemos, la navidad es una fiesta. En verdad es una fiesta en la cual hay "felicidad" por diversas razones. Pero... es esto en realidad felicidad?

Es muy cierto que el concepto de felicidad y Navidad son preciososo, pero ya perdieron su esencia hace cientos de años, aunque le duela a quien le duela. La Navidad en realidad es una fiesta espiritual en la que tenemos fiesta por la alegria de conmemorar la llegada del salvador de nuestras almas al mundo. Y de gracias a Dios y a Jesus ya que Dios nos envio a su hijo para que cargara con los pecados de la humanidad y nos muestre la forma de llegar al cielo, y a Jesus por haber vivido y muerto por nosotros. Al menos esa es la esencia para los Catolicos y Cristianos. Para el resto del mundo no hay necesidad de decir tal cosa. Pero la popularidad de la navidad sin importar religion es una expansion comercial que se ha vuelto un producto en este mundo. Un producto mas por el cual las personas ambiciosas que dominan este planeta nos esclavizan mas y mas. Les contare la verdad de la Navidad, nuestro mundo y la eterna felicidad!!...:

Que pasa con aquellos niños que no tienen que comer en Navidad? que no tienen regalos, que no tienen familia con quien compartir? de aquellas personas que tienen seres queridos moribundos y no tienen ni para las medicinas en dia de navidad? Acaso no hay navidad para ellos? FALSO!!! La esencia de la verdadera navidad es igual para todos!!! PERO ESTE MUNDO NOS ESTA DESTRUYENDO!! ESTE MUNDO NOS HA VUELTO MONSTRUOS!! ESTAMOS MAS CERCA A SER DEMONIOS QUE SANTOS Y ESO DEBE PARAR YA!! Al igual que Jesus se dio por todos nosotros sin juzgar si somos buenas o malas personas, igualmente debemos ayudar a quienes nos necesitan en esta vida. Si el concepto original de nosotros Cristianos de hacer de la navidad una fiesta del compartir y de dar gracias, no necesitariamos comprar regalos costosos a solo la gente que queremos para demostrarles que los amamos. La verdadera felicidad de la Navidad esta en darse uno mismo, en ayudar a quienes te necesitan, y en aliviar un poco el dolor de aquellos que lo necesitan. Si en este mundo no existiera el dinero, que perfecto seria el mundo. La economia, EL DINERO, nos estresa, nos enferma, nos vuelve ambiciosos, genocidas, pecadores. Al final nos sentimos tan sucios que no nos queda mas que usarlo para comprar "momentos felices". Se imaginan un mundo en donde puedas hacer lo que quieras hacer y lo haces para ayudar, no para sobresalir sobre todos los demas? No para hacer mas dinero que los demas, ni para tener cosas que aquellos que carecen del dinero no pueden tener? Siempre nos falta tiempo, y la verdad es que no es asi. Pasamos toda nuestras vidas queriendo tener mas de lo que ya tenemos, nunca es suficiente. Lo ironico es que Dios ya nos dio todo lo que necesitamos, pero eso no es suficiente. Ya que las necesidades humanas ya no son las que Dios nos dio para poder vivir y seguir evolucionando. Ahora existen miles de necesidades humanas creadas por el hombre, con el unico proposito de doblegar al hombre. La felicidad absoluta existe, pero no en este mundo. Pero si tal vez has tenido la misma suerte que yo... sabes que otro mundo viene, en donde la felicidad del espiritu sobrepasa toda felicidad terrenal, y por eso es que en ese mundo...econtraremos la felicidad absoluta!!